Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Babies...

For the past three years we have been seeing a fertility doctor.  It has been so hard.  I have seen most of my friends get pregnant and now some of them are getting pregnant again.  Today has been extra hard.  Currently we are in the middle of another IVF cycle and this morning I went to the doctor and my poor eggs are pathetically small and there are only two precious ones.

We have never completed a full IVF cycle before, though we have started four times already and spent numerous amount of money, time and energy.  Before the IVFs we have completed four IUI cycles and all of them have been negative. My husband has been super supportive, but I am exhausted with the roller coaster of emotions and shots and doctor visits.  The doctor visits, which occurs two to three times a week, consist of blood works and transvaginal ultrasounds, which are all uncomfortable for me, because the transvaginal ultrasounds are just invasive and sometimes painful, and my veins are small, deep and they move around.  Most of the time the nurse have to call another nurse to help out and they usually have to take blood from my hand.  (Also I want to note that I drink lots of water before I go to bed and all morning so I am super hydrated. Nothing helps. My veins are just uncooperative and dislike needles, I guess).

I think this will be our last time to do this, if this doesn't pan out.  I talked to my doctor a little bit ago and she said we'll ride this one and try to complete this cycle, since we have never been able to before. On a positive note, she said my estrogen level has increased quite a bit so my two little eggs look very promising.  I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed and hopefully we will a happy outcome.

My husband and I have talked about adoptions and other alternatives.  We talked about how much does having kids matter to us and how far are we willing to go, but I think we want a break and not think about this for awhile. It's been really hard for me, hormones are horrible.  I'm usually a very positive person but today I feel really low.


5 comments:

  1. Oh Quynh... you are such a happy lovable person... I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I pray things go well for you. I know going through this is very hard, I wish I knew the right things to say to help you. I know sometimes it just helps to talk about it.. so it is good to journal it. (((Hugs to you))) Joy... from Ana Lenas quilt retreats.

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  2. Thank you so much Joy. I really appreciate your kind words and hugs. I hope we will see each other in the fall again so I can give you a big hug in return.

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  3. wishing you the best, quynh!

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  4. Oh sweetie! I know how hard this must be on you... Putting yourself out there like this is so incredibly brave & maybe it will help other women who are in the same spot know they are not the only ones... I know nothing will really help, but I am thinking of you dear friend...

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  5. So sorry, Quynh! It took me 10 months to get pregnant with James, so I know exactly what you mean about the hormones and emotional rollercoaster. Obviously what you're going through is harder. My cousin struggled with fertility issues, and after going through lots of treatments she finally gave up...and got pregnant a year later the old fashioned way. Similar story with a coworker. Hopefully hearing thaf will help you keep your spirits up. Good luck!

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